inspired by Chanson's poem Pull Yourself Together, Girl. I'm not much of a lyricist, but here it is.
Breathe: A Song
Verse
Sunlight splitting my eyes
Pull yourself together girl
Beating torrents of slicing pain
Wrenching my body in two
Pull yourself together girl
Words like gilded serpents
Slither in and around my carcass body
Chorus
My head throbbing
Throat aching to speak just
A monochromatic plea
Pull yourself together girl
Physicality fades faster
Mind versus matter
All over again
Pull yourself together girl
Verse
Death is just a memory and
This river so much like the Severn
Is just mere illusion
Pull yourself together girl
A tattoo of non-coherent syllables
Patterns itself to my neck
Drumming slowly
Getting more infinitesimal by the second
Pull yourself together girl
Chorus
My head throbbing
Throat aching to speak just
A monochromatic plea
Pull yourself together girl
Physicality fades faster
Mind versus matter
All over again
Pull yourself together girl
Bridgish…
Moloch’s not be trusted
While he relishes in ambiguity
Chorus
My head throbbing
Throat aching to speak just
A monochromatic plea
Pull yourself together girl
Physicality fades faster
Mind versus matter
All over again
Pull yourself together girl
Verse
Pull yourself together girl
Breathe
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Hello!
RandomTalks here with a short review!
This was so beautifully written! I can totally imagine this being recorded as song and I wish you had attached a recording yourself. It would have made it so much more enjoyable if we could read the song and experience it at the same time!
The lyrics are all to the point and they create such vivid mages in front of our eyes that we face no difficulty in imagining the emotion being described here. At parts, I thought the lyrics were a little too technical and at times, I thought they were plain beautiful. Either ways, I loved the descriptive words you used - they function more as accessories that really highlight the beauty of the lines. For example,
This first verse contains such strong imageries that I can imagine the scenes even though the pictures they represent are a little more than disturbing. Yet, I think its the emotion behind the words that is more important here and I loved how clearly and successfully you translated the feelings into words.
Just a tiny nitpick though: I think the last line would fit better as: ''slither in and around the carcass of my body'. Its just my opinion though!
Another very tiny nitpick: I think you are missing the word 'to' here. It should be: 'Moloch’s not to be trusted'.
Overall, this was a strong, powerful and beautiful poem. Like your other reviewer said, you certainly possess the skill and talent required to become a lyricist!
Keep writing and have a great day!
Wow.
CL, this song is so beautiful! Do you have the music for it? If so, I would love to hear it.
And you are very much so a lyricist.